Dear Texts I Never Send,

We miss you.

Yours etc
Your Balls

Dear Gerry Fucking Ryan,

It has never been, and it will never be, ok to eat a rasher fucking butty live on air you unconscionable ball-bag.

Yours etc
Shitty Bill

Dear Willis,

What are you talking about?

Yours etc
Arnold

Dear Day,

Will you ever end?

Yours etc
Shitty Bill

Dear Empty Room,

Stop mocking me!

Your Friend
Shitty Bill

Dear Bird Flu,

Wish you were here.

Yours etc
Shitty Bill

Dear Magnum PI,

Is that a moustache on your face or is it a piece of shit?

Yours etc
The A Team

Dear Stool-Jockeys,

Get out of the bookies and get some sun you shower of pasty-faced degenerate wasters!

Yours etc
Shitty Bill

Dear Columbo,

How come you're so forgetful?

Yours etc
A Fan

Dear Madonna

It’s been Done!

Yours etc
The 70s

Dear Advertising/Marketing Executives,

Kill Yourselves.

Yours in anticipation,
Shitty Bill

Dear Mouth,

Please PLEASE stop writing cheques Ass cant cash.

Yours etc
Brain

Dear Texts I Never Send

Grow a pair of balls and get over it already!

Esteemed Regards
Shitty Bill